The reason...

There are many reasons I wanted to start a blog, but the main one was for me to have an outlet. This year has been a very interesting and trying year for me, and when I say trying, I mean trying.

My husband, pictured holding our friends' beautiful little boy, is a brave man for putting up with me, and by the grace of God wants a little Meghan running around one day. We decided to start trying for a family at the beginning of this year, and with the end of this year in sight, I feel emotionally drained. I know, and my faith tells me, that what is meant to be in my life will eventually be. I know God will not give me anything I can't handle, which is why I am so scared.

The life I have with my husband has been very blessed. I remember watching girls in high school and in my early college years go on date after date and I always wondered if I would go through that... if I would fail in finding "Mr. Right." I knew from a young age that I was not interested in finding "Mr. Right Now," and dating multiple boys/men (hey, i'm talking parlty high school here, where they were all boys). It was just never my style. I knew that I wanted to find someone to spend the rest of my life with, and I wanted to experience life with one person. I was anxious to find that person, and always had a bit of fear in the back of my mind that maybe it would never happen for me. When I met my husband, my life truly began. It came so easy for us. People always say they knew right away when they met their future spouse that they would marry them one day, and yes, I am one of those people.

Love came easy for us. We are very solid, we are happy with our lives. We love our home, we both have good jobs, adore our pup Pollock, and are content with what we have and where we are in our lives. That's what scares me. If everything has come so easy for us thus far, maybe this is God's way of testing us. Can we survive through anything? I would surely like to think so, but our lives haven't had much turmoil since we started our life together. This one thing, that we want more than anything, is He going to test our relationship by adding the turmoil now? Of course we hope not... but I'm scared.

It's been 10 months. We've made those 10 months a happy fun 10, but inside I'm crumbling, knowing that the 12 month mark is near. I feel a little piece of me slipped a way each of those 10 months, and I don't know how much more of me I can lose.

No matter how down or scared I get, the photo above reminds me that the no matter what happens or how we get there, it's well worth the wait.