There's always a wait

When it comes to having a baby, there's always some sort of wait.  Right now I feel like I am in the worst wait of all, but I know that probably isn't true.  This morning broke a little piece of my heart yet again, but I'm still not giving up hope.  I know one day I will see what I want to see and I will smile at this journey, now I'm just waiting for that day to come.  Lots of waiting.  Lots of thinking.  Lots of calculating.  But most of all, a lot of tears....

What weekend has in store for me...

It's funny how things change when we enter different stages of our lives.  I remember being younger and always making sure my weekend was jam packed.  I would have a panic attack if a Friday night was left open, and feel like the world was against me.  The college comes along and no matter if you try to or not, your weekends start on Thursday and they last till Monday morning.  They were always jam packed with things to do, people to see, errands to run and we would have it no other way.  Now, being in my mid-20s, I look forward to weekends without plans.  It still doesn't happen often, but it becomes a joyous occasion when our 2 families, many friends, and active lifestyle doesn't give us any set plans for a day out of our week.  I look forward to those now, and when they do come along, I cherish them.

I cherish them because everyday I pray there will be fewer of them to come.  I know in the next stage of our life, we won't be able to enjoy a quite house, but instead will smile and adore what is making said house not so quite.  I look forward to Saturday morning cartoons (as does my husband who currently tries to watch them childless), and Sunday mornings rushing to make it to church on time.  I look forward to turning in early because I was up before the rising sun.  I can't wait to say no about grabbing drinks or dinner with friends because we do not have a sitter.  All of the things that makes many people cringe about parenthood, I can't wait for it.

I'm so excited to experience it all, I can't wait, even though I'm forced to.  Again, I just need to keep reminding myself:  It's well worth the wait.

The reason...

There are many reasons I wanted to start a blog, but the main one was for me to have an outlet. This year has been a very interesting and trying year for me, and when I say trying, I mean trying.

My husband, pictured holding our friends' beautiful little boy, is a brave man for putting up with me, and by the grace of God wants a little Meghan running around one day. We decided to start trying for a family at the beginning of this year, and with the end of this year in sight, I feel emotionally drained. I know, and my faith tells me, that what is meant to be in my life will eventually be. I know God will not give me anything I can't handle, which is why I am so scared.

The life I have with my husband has been very blessed. I remember watching girls in high school and in my early college years go on date after date and I always wondered if I would go through that... if I would fail in finding "Mr. Right." I knew from a young age that I was not interested in finding "Mr. Right Now," and dating multiple boys/men (hey, i'm talking parlty high school here, where they were all boys). It was just never my style. I knew that I wanted to find someone to spend the rest of my life with, and I wanted to experience life with one person. I was anxious to find that person, and always had a bit of fear in the back of my mind that maybe it would never happen for me. When I met my husband, my life truly began. It came so easy for us. People always say they knew right away when they met their future spouse that they would marry them one day, and yes, I am one of those people.

Love came easy for us. We are very solid, we are happy with our lives. We love our home, we both have good jobs, adore our pup Pollock, and are content with what we have and where we are in our lives. That's what scares me. If everything has come so easy for us thus far, maybe this is God's way of testing us. Can we survive through anything? I would surely like to think so, but our lives haven't had much turmoil since we started our life together. This one thing, that we want more than anything, is He going to test our relationship by adding the turmoil now? Of course we hope not... but I'm scared.

It's been 10 months. We've made those 10 months a happy fun 10, but inside I'm crumbling, knowing that the 12 month mark is near. I feel a little piece of me slipped a way each of those 10 months, and I don't know how much more of me I can lose.

No matter how down or scared I get, the photo above reminds me that the no matter what happens or how we get there, it's well worth the wait.

Trust me, it is...

So, I decided to join the blog world. My mind is constantly going 100 MPH, and sometimes I feel I have no one to share my mind's workings with, which isn't true.  I have wonderful friends, an awesome husband... but sometimes you just want to talk with someone who knows why you are thinking a certain way, and has the perfect answer to all your problems.... isn't that what blogging is for? :)

To start your blog, you must enter your e-mail address. Awesome, I have one of those!! Now, you must choose a name for you blog. What? Already? But... I'm not ready for that! Can't I just type and type away, and once my blog finds its' identity, I can name him (yes, it's a him.) You know, like that certain group of people who do not name their children until they're a few months old. I see their point now... and I'm just worried about naming my blog!

So I chose one. It's well worth the wait (as would be the future name of my blog if I took more time to think about it!) I chose this name because that has been what I've been telling myself for the past year. And it is true... a lot of things in my life have been worth the wait. My faith, my relationships, my future, and of course, last but always first on my mind, my future child.

There are SOOOO many blogs... and I follow most of them. I follow wedding blogs, photography blogs, design blogs, home blogs, baby blogs, humor blogs, and so many more... you do not even want to know how long the list is in my Google Reader. So what area does my blog fit into? I'm not exactly sure. I guess on THAT part, I get to wait and see!

Trust me, it's well worth the wait!